Love and Lust - What's the Difference?

Illumination on Parchment: King David observing Bathsheba lustfully as she takes her bath, Master of François de Rohan, circa 1539-1540

Personalism

One of the great lessons in the Theology of the Body of St John Paul II is that the opposite of love is not so much to hate, but to use. In the pope’s philosophy of Personalism, human beings are persons only to be loved and never used. To use someone would mean to instrumentalise, manipulate, or utilise another (or his body) for one’s own advantage, gain, purpose or pleasure.

Lust

While love is to will the good of the beloved through a gift of self, lust is to use another for our own sexual gratification and pleasure. It is the USING of another in the relationship that is immoral. This utilitarian attitude violates our dignity as a creature that God has created for our own sake.

This is because we were created by God for our own sake. We were never meant to be used, whether by others or ourselves. or to exist for anyone else’s sake.

In this light, we can then see how prostitution and pornography are morally wrong. As the body expresses the person, using another’s body (or our own) as a means to an end (of self-gratification) is to abuse that person. And masturbation is merely the instrumentalisation of our body to achieve a sexual climax or gratification, hence it can also be called self-abuse.

Love

The main message in Christianity is to love one another as Christ loves us. By his words,“This is my Body, Given Up for you”, spoken orally (at the Last Supper) and through the language of the Body (at his sacrificial death on the Cross), Our Lord lived out that call in himself through the gift of himself in the Eucharist and on the Cross on Calvary. In this sacrificial self-giving act, he gives himself to his bride, the Church, for her redemption. 

In so doing, Jesus revealed to us our supreme calling (cf GS 22) that alone can fulfil our vocation and being - to be gift to others. 

In his letter to the Ephesians (chapter 5: 21-32), St Paul uses the spousal analogy to show how the consummation of marriage (the one flesh union) is a profound mystery that images how our redemption is achieved through the union of Christ and the Church. St John Paul II in calling marriage the primordial sacrament in the Theology of the Body, the “Sacrament“ of our redemption, marriage thus becomes a prime target of the enemy of God. Christianity is essentially a nuptial (marital) mystery.

Satan Attacks Marriage by Attacking Sexuality

Stained Glass Window, German Church, (St Gertrude's) Stockholm, Sweden (Photo: St. Joseph Catholic Centre)

Now we can perhaps see better why the relentless attack on marriage and the family by Satan. And why he is so focused on the attack on our sexuality. Satan has spared no effort to distort the truth of our sexuality and its profound connection to our redemption. Without chastity, we will lose this battle. The redemption of our body is through the redemption of our sexuality. And we can only do so with the grace and mercy of Jesus our Redeemer.

“Put you on the armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the deceits of the devil. For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood; but against principalities and power, against the rulers of the world of this darkness, against the spirits of wickedness in the high places. Therefore take unto you the armour of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and to stand in all things perfect. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth.” (Eph 6: 11-14)

In biblical language, our loins refer to our genitalia i.e., our sex organs. Unless we live sexuality with the truth, according to God’s plan for sexuality, i.e. living in chastity, we will lose this battle. The moral decay and challenges facing society that threatens marriage and family today mostly concern sins against chastity, as in fornication, adultery, prostitution, and pornography, just to name a few. 

All of us sinners, without exception, need redemption in this area. We cannot do this on our own feeble strength. We can and we must tap on the power of our Lord, through His Word, His Sacraments and in prayer.

In Summary

1. Human Persons are to be Loved and never Used.

2. Lust is Love’s Counterfeit and is using another for our own Gratification.

3. Love is Self Giving for the Good of the Beloved.

4. Only with Chastity can we live out the Redemption of our Body, through God's grace.